Blast from the past III

Here are two little ditty's that went together well that deal with random thoughts and Karma. Enjoy:

It is much easier, I've found, to clean up cat vomit if you let it sit for a few days and hit it with a broom.

I think citizenship is something you should be able to take away from someone for smaller offenses.... such as talking during a movie, spending four to five hours a day talking about and arranging lunch, or smelling of coconut.

Just because you have the energy to go for a run does not mean you should. There are too many things you could miss like arguing for the twelfth time with your significant other about leaving things on the F*$@%n KITCHEN TABLE.

Being mean to someone is not nice unless you are very good at it and clever. Then it is an art form and should be respected.

If you do something nice like open the door for someone you have exactly enough Karma built up to spit on a child.

to be continued...

...continued!

As I was looking around my apartment thinking of new and creative ways to avoid cleaning it... It struck me that my first blog post did not go far enough into the Karma issue. For those of you interested I have contacted a few dirty hippies and pagans and asked them how Karma works. It is fascinating so much so in fact that I have compiled a chart for you. I hope this is helpful and I will keep looking out for more spiritual ways to be a heretic for you....enjoy:

KARMA EXCHANGE RATE:

Open the door for someone = Spit on a child

Give back a found wallet = 2 insensitive comments about the holocaust

Dinner with your Grandmother = Hit and Run in a parking lot

Switching shifts with a coworker = Defecating on someones front porch

Complimenting someone on their hard work = throwing a penny out of your car window on the highway

Lending someone $100 or more = Sleeping with their sister

Giving change to a homeless person = Tripping someone on crutches

Allowing someone to go ahead of you at the DMV = Punching a Nun in the breasts

Listening to a child's music recital = Homicide

Listening to Keanu Reeves talk about Philosophy = Genocide


Have Fun with your new skill set!