Monday, February 1, 2010
These are a few of my favorite things...
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Movies! Movies!! MOVIES!!!!
I can’t begin to tell you how much I love film. My entire life I’ve been completely captivated and enthralled by the images flickering by. Maybe it’s just how easily I suspend disbelief or my love of watching and playing ‘make believe’ which I haven’t grown out of. Seriously if you find me alone in a room with a wrapping paper roll and a mirror you’re going to get at least one scene acted out. “Are you not entertained!!” or “There can be only one!” I also have the incredibly un-manly trait of tearing up or full on crying at movies. Seriously, I’m pretty sure I cried at Swing Vote and I know I’ve cried at least ten times watching Scrubs. DON’T JUDGE ME I’M A CREATIVE TYPE AND I’M MORE THAN LIKELY BIGGER THAN YOU!! So with my immaturity/exuberance firmly established I wanted to share some of my favorite rumors and pictures that I come across in my quest to know about every movie while still in the development stage so that I may blindly judge it and lord that knowledge over my equally eager friends.
So from time to time (I make no promises) I’ll share the things that bring out the kid or the fanboy in me. And lately there have been plenty of things on the radar that have done that. At one point many years back I had a website “AbbyNormal” in which I reviewed movies but I don’t think I want to do that again. I’d rather just share my excitement about things. That feeling as you shake the box and unwrap the toy is exponentially better than 2 hours later when you’ve seen all that it can do and pulled every lever. Who knows if I’ll get back to that but in the meantime if you’re looking for some reviews I have a good friend who is now getting paid to do that so go read his stuff!
So now to the things that are being worked on now that I’m excited about.
The Good
Robin Hood! Yes Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe team up again for another BIG period film. They had a little success the last time and I don’t think there has been an incarnation of Robin of Locksley that I didn’t love be it action, comedy or cartoon. You can see some pictures of it as it’s currently in production.

True Grit! The Cohen Brothers are reinventing True Grit apparently being closer to the original book than the CLASSIC film starring John Wayne (his only Oscar). I LOVE THE COHEN BROTHERS. But c'mon guys, be careful.

Sherlock Holmes! Robert Downey Jr is Holmes. Jude Law is Watson. Rachel McAdams is i'm guessing 'the girl'. That's the good. If you want bad, watch the trailer or read about this one. I love the character and the actors so much that I'm crossing every appendage I have that this doesn't turn out to be what I'm scared it may just be... The Wild Wild West.
The Yikes!
GI Joe. Yup.
Facebook Movie written by Aaron Sorkin. Mmm hmm.
So there. I feel better.
.......................................
I'd like to thank the entire internet for the content and resources used for this blog, the opinions are mine :) (specifics? aintitcool.com; imdb.com; hsx.com; variety.com; cinemablend.com and many many many others, did you really think I was personally breaking any news here? I cried during Swing Vote, there that one was all mine.) The images are originally someone else's; the reason they look cool is my mouse and Photoshop. In short, leave me alone this is for fun.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
All you need is love.

Ah yes...summer time. A time for lovers. It was this thought I had tonight as I sat in a darkened theater watching a comedy show. I came with the shallow purpose of watching a friend improvise while laughing and enjoying the company of other new and old friends. I left with a far deeper train of thought thanks to you, young lovers. It was, I admit, too dark to see you as you came into the show at least 45 minutes late for the hour long show. Oh that I could have though. Oh that i could have seen you to truly bask in your love. I knew you were lovers. Not by the sight of holding hands. Not by the sight of stolen kisses in a darkened theater. Not even by the sounds of cooing or whispered "I love you".
No the reason I knew you were lovers was the smell. That oh so effervescent smell of what I deduced to be two people who had just had sex for at least six hours in a non air-conditioned apartment or possibly a sauna. Yes that combination that makes you ask. "Is that....is that ass? Is that B.O. and ass? Wait...wait oh my god it smells like I just got hit by a sudden breeze that passed directly by an elephants vagina after she had run the Boston Marathon! Holy LORD who doesn't smell themselves? REALLY?! Are you serious? This HAS to be on purpose. If I had eaten today I would have just released those calories!"
So to all you young lovers out there I say 'Carpe Diem'! That's right, you are only young once so get out there and share ALL that with the rest of us. Remind us that we are all alive! Go! Go to the highest peaks of passion and jump, jump and soar over the waves of the un-knowing washed masses. They don't know how to love with their "soap" and their "hygiene".
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Sketch Book
Already I shared the illustrator mixed media painting/sketch with you and now my tweaking has led to some desktop background images. Hopefully I will eventually also share the end results of the current paid graphic design job I'm working on but for now....enjoy. Oh and by the way these are created for the size of my laptop screen. If for any reason you would actually like this tweaked for yours (my ego knows no bounds huh?) let me know and I'll do it for you (shouldn't be that hard of a request with 5 followers of this blog).

SKY - Red Based Background (1366 X 768)

SKY - Yellow Based Background (1366 X 768)
Monday, June 15, 2009
Miss me?

Sunday, February 22, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
OBAMA: The Good, The Bad and The Wonka.
I started the day whistling "Ding dong the Witch is Dead" all happy and looking forward to watching some CNN with my Dad and celebrating his birthday. My excitement and enthusiasm has been tempered by a late model pick up truck. As I opened my car door this morning a truck came FLYING by and splashed the entire front seat and dashboard of my car. The dashboard is dirty and wet with sludge. The dashboard. THERE'S NEVER BEEN DIRT ON MY DASHBOARD IN THE 6 YEARS I'VE OWNED MY CAR! NOW THERE'S WET DIRT YOU $%$#%@ SCREW YOU PICKUP TRUCK GUY! I HOPE YOU GET PULLED OVER AND THEY BEAT YOU WITH STICKS!
BUT... today is a happy occasion. Dashboard be damned. I've had some visions of the possibilities of what the next years can bring. I'm not as pie in the sky as some of my friends are about Barack Obama, sorry...correction, President Barack Obama. Now when I say pie in the sky remember most of my friends are aspiring if not already working actors. That's a whole different kind of democrat. That's zealot level, God bless'em (sorry about that to the wicken and atheists among you). I'm also not as grumpy pants as the more jaded of my friends saying there will be no difference at all and a politician is a politician.
So here are the options:
#1 THE GOOD
Days after being elected President Barack Obama begins the very real work of re-building the confidence of a tired and hurting nation. He enlists every possible mind in a nation full if amazing ones. People work on the very real issues and write realistic laws and proposals that are also in and of themselves, open to change. So we don't try and fail and never try again. The infrastructure of our nation is rebuilt from the roads to the information highways, so that we can all be connected in some way. There is such a swell of pride throughout the nation that hundreds of thousands of people give, not only from their bank accounts, but more importantly from their time, physically get out there. Under the Presidents leadership our agencies and forces begin to move away from the "Do what we say not what we do" mentality we have had and stop backing evil just to go back and fight it later. We stop doing the things that we would seek to punish and vilify other countries for. Slowly, and yes it will be slowly, we move toward the ideals that we brag to the rest of the world about but so seldom are willing to put into real action. We start to act intelligently in order to move towards a country and others to a world that is propelled by clean energy not held hostage by it. We lead by example and open dialogues with all countries that would seek to oppress their citizens, specific races and women. And because of our willingness to admit to, and stop, our own oppression, we will be taken seriously.
#2 THE BAD
President Barack Obama gets into office and it's more of the same. He spends way too much time listening to his Secretary of State and winds up selling every inch of this government to the highest bidder. After all he IS a politician from Illinois... and I'm from Chicago too anyone who wants to take offense to that. The world sees us as weaker and attacks from all fronts hoping to trade on our bleeding hearts. Not wanting to anger anyone he one by one gives back every inch of the nation to the country who had stolen it before we did which leaves us with a few spots in Nevada that everyone who came before us passed up anyway because it was too hot and dirty. After this we still think "Well his heart is in the right place even though he's pretty damn useless.... you know like Jimmy Carter!" until BAM he pulls of his mask and looks like Sam Neil! That's right, he's President Damien and we're all screwed! Vice President Joe Biden sprouts wings and takes to the air spitting fire down onto all red states first then the rest just for the hell of it. Hillary Clinton sheds her outer human skin and in her spider like form eats every top official in the order of succession until she is made president by default then requires every citizen of the world to literally feed their money into her...gills I guess.
#3 THE WONKA
President Barack Obama changes the national anthem to "Candy Man" and E Pluribus Unum is replaced with "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams". He solves world hunger by turning one river in each country into a river of chocolate. He then develops a new technology in his factory to convert all cars to run on clean burning chocolate. The American Dream becomes a lottery in which every paycheck at middle class level or below has a 1 in 10 chance of holding the Golden Ticket which would make them Secretary of State for the day complete with a one-day $250,000 paycheck. We develop a coating for the entire nation that prevents us from being harmed by any weapon of any kind which also tastes like snozzberries. This also stops us from needing a military for protection and allows it to be transformed into a world peacekeeping brigade that delivers food and hugs to impoverished nations. (They get the candy coating too because people elsewhere can still suck but theirs is grape because it's more manly and they deserve to be special because they signed up before they knew it was gonna be all hugs).
Gotta tell you I'm keeping an open mind and hoping against hope that we will see some positive change.
In short I'm hoping for a little from #1 and a little from #3.
Happy O Day everyone!
Or,
Happy No W day!
........whichever makes you smile.
And in the spirit of change I'd like to say to that Truck Driving splasher from this morning... SCREW YOU YOU $%$@# I TAKE NOTHING BACK! MY DASHBOARD! MY DASHBOARD! MY DASHBOARD! I HOPE YOU CONTRACT SOMETHING ITCHY!
Friday, January 16, 2009
Blast from the past IV
I sit here loving this most wonderful time of the year.. with negative adding and celebrity fluffing coming out of each eaaaaaaaaaar. (that last part is to be sung)
Is there anything better? I mean really.. can you fathom anything as satisfying as a commercial equating a voting on a local ordinance to supporting the terrorists responsible for 9/11? I can't think of any!
Here is a handy chart for all of you aspiring politicians, speech writers or if you're just plain bat shit crazy and want to believe in something other than your underwear is conspiring to kill you:
If someone has at any time in their life watched a movie starring Tim Robbins or Jane Fonda:
This candidate strongly supports North Korean Dictator Kim Jong-Il
If someone is left handed:
This candidate favors abortion and the outlawing of prayer in schools
If someone has at any time read the works of Tennessee Williams
This candidate is for mandatory gay sex and hates the institution of marriage
If someone has unrealistic expectations for the future, does not hold strong to any convictions, loses sight of the most important objective, drinks to excess and punches babies
This candidate is a Cub's Fan
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Blast from the past III
It is much easier, I've found, to clean up cat vomit if you let it sit for a few days and hit it with a broom.
I think citizenship is something you should be able to take away from someone for smaller offenses.... such as talking during a movie, spending four to five hours a day talking about and arranging lunch, or smelling of coconut.
Just because you have the energy to go for a run does not mean you should. There are too many things you could miss like arguing for the twelfth time with your significant other about leaving things on the F*$@%n KITCHEN TABLE.
Being mean to someone is not nice unless you are very good at it and clever. Then it is an art form and should be respected.
If you do something nice like open the door for someone you have exactly enough Karma built up to spit on a child.
to be continued...
...continued!
As I was looking around my apartment thinking of new and creative ways to avoid cleaning it... It struck me that my first blog post did not go far enough into the Karma issue. For those of you interested I have contacted a few dirty hippies and pagans and asked them how Karma works. It is fascinating so much so in fact that I have compiled a chart for you. I hope this is helpful and I will keep looking out for more spiritual ways to be a heretic for you....enjoy:
Open the door for someone = Spit on a child
Give back a found wallet = 2 insensitive comments about the holocaust
Dinner with your Grandmother = Hit and Run in a parking lot
Switching shifts with a coworker = Defecating on someones front porch
Complimenting someone on their hard work = throwing a penny out of your car window on the highway
Lending someone $100 or more = Sleeping with their sister
Giving change to a homeless person = Tripping someone on crutches
Allowing someone to go ahead of you at the DMV = Punching a Nun in the breasts
Listening to a child's music recital = Homicide
Listening to Keanu Reeves talk about Philosophy = Genocide
Have Fun with your new skill set!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Still no name, just cleverness.. ness.
Blast from the past II
What I Learned On My Summer Vacation.
By Tom Burns
- Can't get a tan when it rains.
- When it rains in Kentucky you may as well just lay down and sleep until it stops because no one else does ANYTHING. They just stand on their porches with not-so-bright looks on their faces.
- Vacation hats rock. You find your inner hillbilly.
- Fishing gets old.
- It takes me a total of 36 hours to get Chicago withdrawal.
- People shouldn't park too close to where I golf.
- Being the only one drinking all week is uncomfortable but not a good enough reason to stop doing so.
- Did I mention that vacation hats rock? I'm keeping mine... may become the birthday hat, breakup hat, bachelor party hat, lawn work hat, or (long shot) Saturday hat.
- I miss Wells...and I'm pretty sure it misses me too. But no one has called so...
- There ARE some VERY hot women in Kentucky. They are short but crazy hot. Problem is that each and every one of them is trailing four to five kids that look about one year apart each like a pack of baby fucking ducks and they use the glare off of their 50 karat diamonds as some sort of spot light to show them the way.
- Fishing gets old.
- Poker with no stakes is like watching old people fuck.
- I like to say the word fuck in front of old people (those last two things are not related).
- Dry county. Not cool.
- Murray State is desolate. If you have the chance to visit, bring teeth, you'll make a fortune.
- Wal-Mart is really the only thing in some peoples lives. They should move.
- When southern people have to stay late at work without being asked that whole "hospitality" and "charm" thing gets replaced with an attitude that would make Denis Leary cry.
- Vacation hats rock, I cannot stress this enough... you'll have to deal with me soon.
- I miss Chicago the second I leave it.
- Chicken livers are icky and unnecessary.
And finally...
Certain places were much more magical when you were sure you would die trying to ski and you were at an age where you could be mesmerized by a frog. I miss that. I miss that a lot.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Whatever shall I name you?
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Blast from the past - 2006
To start us off here I'll be posting some stories and comics that people have liked from various places I used to post. Here is an old story I wrote after a long but interesting day in the greatest city in the world, Chicago, from November of 2006:I love this damn city. It seems like every time I have a bad day the city refuses to let it pass without making me smirk.
Today I woke up in Bridgeport which if you have not been to please stop by for a week and just watch the glorious tapestry of double parked cars with Kerry/Edwards stickers that I guess just wont come off driven by someone named Joey, Bobby, Frankie, or Hector. A place where "this fuckin guy." is considered both a complete thought and social commentary.
I proceeded to go to the Pants Shop where the owner was overly excited to see a customer under 400 pounds and went on to tell me that the ugly plaid pattern inside the coat was the new style "you know, like burberry". Super. He's a nice guy and the thing fit so I bought it.
After I signed the complaint and the nice policemen took the two gentlemen away I went to a memorial service for a former employee who lost her battle with cancer. It was a scene directly taken out of the Blues Brothers for me as I was in a bit of a funk but the Baptist Choir at Mt Eagle Church in Chicago is one of the best I've ever heard. Lit me right up and I think I recognized one of the guys on keyboards as a pretty popular Radio DJ.
Left there for a first meeting with ***cheap plug begins*** Baron Von Awesome ***Cheap plug over***comedy troupe to discuss ideas for videos and cartoons. On the way I got lost in Wrigleyville (what a super place to not be able to leave for a life long south side sox fan). When I called for directions from North Halsted my severe lack of direction and inability to see street signs at night (broke my glasses 10 years ago and never replaced them) led me to describe the intersection I was passing as such, "I'm at the corner of Halsted and giant rainbow dicks....just help me!"
On my way home from this meeting (when i meet new people to talk about what i find funny i always imagine them registering me on watch lists for everything when i leave) I took Lake Shore Drive. This is one of the most therapeutic streets in the world. There is not a season that it is not gorgeous. No matter how many times i take that route I find something new I love about it.
As I squeezed into the smallest parking space possible in my very diverse and tolerant neighborhood I thought about the city and how I only saw the tiniest of cross sections that day. I stepped out into the cold took a breath and overheard a man shouting at a woman saying, "Then Fuckin LEAVE but CLOSE THE DOOR." I went inside smirk firmly in place
***FOLLOW-UP: I now live a couple blocks away from those giant rainbow pylons on the North side of the city. I will always be a South Side Irish kid at heart but I love my new neighborhood and love the city even more every time I move. From Gage Park to Little Italy to Uptown to Bridgeport to Buena Park to Old Town.... Love it, love it, love it. I was only with Baron Von Awesome for a short time (enough time to do some videos, a spoof commercial and a spoof of Law & Order and a couple performances at The Spot ) but they're still plugging along and i wish them well. Especially since one of them is now my roommate.***
Feel free to give me feedback, brutal if necessary (hopefully not the ONLY option.)
I'll also be sharing and pointing to things I find and enjoy like other people's and places pages and blogs I frequent.
Thanks for stopping by.






